In a message to his staff — The hype over the new episodes of “Twin Peaks” has got me thinking that we need to write in some weird, symbolic crap into one of our upcoming productions. The people “apparently” demand more than just another sequel or reboot, so, okay, let’s take our summer 2019 reboot of Top…

Dear girl I saw waiting in line for the Ferris wheel today, I’m writing this because I honestly have no idea when I will get a chance to speak to people like you in my life, about what I have to say. I can’t. It’s not really socially acceptable. And…

An open letter to Congress — Hey you, scumbag, I saw you the other day, at Congress, talking a whole buncha shit, and voting for one craptastic idea after another. You’re rich and old, you’re trying to hit the brakes on equality and scientific progress, because you don’t make money from those causes, and you don’t…

Regardless of the ongoing investigation into Russia hacking the US Government, there may have been some kind of mistake, or error in the Russian operative’s surveillance tactics recently. Because I’m pretty sure my monthly cycle was hacked by the Russians. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and here’s what…

I got an email! Is it the reply to that job I applied to, finally? No, it’s just my second cousin George, writing the 15th reply in a family email chain about his Grandma Harriet’s estate sale. This email chain has been getting lots of action from a core group…

My shed is a piece of crap. — I want a new shed to replace our old one — a metal, rusty, piece of crap. The floor is caving in, the metal joints are rusting apart. It’s probably 20 years old and the floor is covered in astro turf. A colony of ants live there during the summer…

On this evening, my quest involves an inner battle, and a battle with the ominous, deadly terror-scape that I find myself inhabiting. One false move equals the expense of another indefinite length of time where I won’t be getting life sustaining, glorious sleep. No rest. No rest. I hear it…